Long Distance Relationships
Why a long distance relationship has been the best and worst thing of my life. WARNING: cheesy love
In June of 2021, I met this cute guy in Tennessee. Next thing I knew I was paying for plane tickets, crying a lot, and spending four to five hours on the phone daily.
Long distance is bittersweet, obviously the bitter being the separation. I have good days and bad days; the bad days happen when either of us leaves, a travel plan doesn’t work out, or we miss important events like birthdays or anniversaries. Today is a bad day. I have racked my brain trying to figure out when I can see him next. Work has been tough to get time off for, he just started a new job so he can’t take any time off yet, and with summer in motion flights are anywhere near $300-$500. I have checked flights, trains, and buses and nothing is working out. (I could drive but my parents think me, at my ripe age of 20, can’t handle a ten hour drive).
This is the hard part. The part that feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. The part where I just want to see him and I would do anything for just five minutes. The part that feels so unfair that I look at every other couple and fill with envy and rage. However, we chose this, we made our bed now we have to lay in it; as cheesy as it sounds he is my person and I am not letting go anytime soon. So we wait. We wait to see each other and we wait for the day where we move in together, finally be in the same place.
But, there is the not so painful part that doesn’t really come to the surface often. I wrote something in my journal in March of 2023 that I think will help explain this.
“Today has been a great day for me and *boyfriend* we went thrifting and got coffee. I found the most perfect chocolate brown leather jacket, in the best condition.
But as we came home and just laid around, the inevitable end to this amazing trip loomed over my head. I had a moment of sadness and grief for a trip that hasn’t even ended yet. I wish it could last forever, and it will someday, just not yet. It’s funny how by the end of the trip it always feels like there weren’t enough hugs, kisses, or healed inner child moments. It never feels like it was enough. But I know deep down, sooner or later I will get a lifetime of those moments. I just have to be patient.
Every time I leave, it is the biggest heartbreak. The dread of going back to my lonely everyday life, back to phone calls, and glitchy FaceTimes- back to strangers it feels like- fills inside me.
However, I fall more and more in love with *boyfriend* with every trip we take. Every hello kiss and the strongest hug you can imagine, is a result of the goodbyes. We need the goodbyes to have these amazing hellos. Long distance is a challenge; but long distance is also beautiful. It allows one another to grow independently towards the same goal. The pain I feel when either one of us leaves is all worth it. Each trip is a little time capsule to be cherished and remembered, and it’s where our love is preserved”.
I wish I didn’t have to endure this heartbreak. I wish sometimes that our relationship didn’t have to be this complicated. But other times, when I am okay and I am distracted by daily life it’s easier to see the goal and appreciate the work we have put into it. I have learned a lot so far about myself, what I need in relationships and what I can give. In a way, this has been a great lesson for me. In the past I have been known to be clingy and form my personality around someone. So, long distance has been an opportunity for me to grow independently, and focus on my independent goals to better myself for when we are together full time. It has also taught me how to be alone, and be okay with being alone.
I don’t recommend long distance to anyone. It is hard and often times causes debilitating pain, but if you found the right person and have no other choice I am here for you. (We can cry together lol).
I know this isn’t the usual feeling better stuff I post. But, this is what was heavy on my mind this week and I thought it might offer some insight into me and how I deal with LDR.
Thank you for being here and I hope you stick around, as always I love ya and wish I could give you all big smooches.
With love, Makenna